Aku mahu jumpa Tuhan

Sebentar lagi
Aku mahu jumpa Tuhan
Aku mahu bagitau Dia
Aku rindu
Lama sangat aku lupa Dia
Lama sangat aku lalai

Sebentar lagi
Aku mahu jumpa Tuhan
Yang Maha Baik
Maha Penyayang
Yang mengamanahkan Isteri dan Anak padaku
Yang aku lupakan
Yang aku terkhilaf
Yang aku ini berdosa

Sebentar lagi
Aku harap, Tuhan mahu jumpa aku
Mendengar rungutan aku
Melihat tangisan aku
Menerima sujud aku

Aku harap
Aku mati ketika sujud
Senang semua orang barangkali

Sebentar lagi
Akan aku susun langkah
Pelan-pelan aku berjalan
Sekejap-sekejap aku berhenti

Who knows

who knows, the most powerful way to overcome sadness
sometimes i just continue, soldiering on, until when i do not know
for i am far from perfect
for i am never understood.

i mean
i try
try
try again. daily. without fail.

there are times i cry, until i laugh

they are times i hold my pain, until i begin to enjoy it

there are times i just wish, i just end there.


but i cant. no. i just cant.

too many people depend on me. too many hopes and dreams. too many commitments that i said YES

i try extremely hard. sometimes, i can hear my own heart beating. sometimes i feel extremely alone in such a crowded space.  you know that feeling, when you are in excruciating pain, but nobody noticed. why?

because you deny your body of the pain. you endure it. you hold it. you eat it. 

can we go back years back. ? i wish. i made mistakes, mistakes that i am paying with my heart and body. but even i, dont deserve that. 

you know how i find my strength everyday to get up?

the vision of both of you sitting comfortably in our new house.  i need to make that happen. i need to ensure the best for the both of you. and then, only then, i can rest peacefully.