Who knows

who knows, the most powerful way to overcome sadness
sometimes i just continue, soldiering on, until when i do not know
for i am far from perfect
for i am never understood.

i mean
i try
try
try again. daily. without fail.

there are times i cry, until i laugh

they are times i hold my pain, until i begin to enjoy it

there are times i just wish, i just end there.


but i cant. no. i just cant.

too many people depend on me. too many hopes and dreams. too many commitments that i said YES

i try extremely hard. sometimes, i can hear my own heart beating. sometimes i feel extremely alone in such a crowded space.  you know that feeling, when you are in excruciating pain, but nobody noticed. why?

because you deny your body of the pain. you endure it. you hold it. you eat it. 

can we go back years back. ? i wish. i made mistakes, mistakes that i am paying with my heart and body. but even i, dont deserve that. 

you know how i find my strength everyday to get up?

the vision of both of you sitting comfortably in our new house.  i need to make that happen. i need to ensure the best for the both of you. and then, only then, i can rest peacefully.